So yesterday was an extremely rough day for me. I dissected my life and looked at everything that I had been through and what I have accomplished. And I felt like I should be so much farther than where I am. I let the devil get the best of me. I cried and cried. I asked God why. I cried some more. Then I cried over my Grandma. Alot of things have changed since she's been gone. It's crazy how so much of me came from her and I'm just realizing it. And now my Grandda's in the hospital in Intensive Care. He had seizures on Sunday which we believe came from some new medication they gave him. We've been doing alot of praying and talking to him.
My faith was really tested yesterday. And I failed because I complained and cried; cried and complained. Giving the devil all the glory he wanted. But I am better. And God has a sense of humor. He let me waddle in self pity then he had a friend to reach out to me in their time of despair and I had to encourage them. The same person who had waddled in self-pity had to encourage someone else. Imagine that. So I set my selfish pity aside and encouraged my friend. After listening to the words I said to them, I realized that I had done a dis-service to myself and to my God. Knowing what He is to me and what He has done for my life, I was ungrateful and cried as if He no longer existed. Not because I didn't believe He would bring me out but because I was at a place I didn't want to be. I let frustration get the best of me. I vow to never see those days again. So I guess it's safe to say, that yesterday was a rough day.
But baby I'm BACK ;-)
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I look at them...the people in the world. And only a fool would want to stay out there amongst the hatred, the jealousy, the backstabbing, the evil. And I wasted so much of my life thinking I would be missing something if I totally submitted. Thinking the world had something God COULDN'T give me. What a fool I was. A LEARNED fool b/c I knew better. I was taught the way; I chose destruction; I chose turmoil; I chose heartache. His passion was deep within me, yet I ran. Hoping to escape that which I already knew. But today, I take off my running shoes. I will no longer commit spiritual suicide. Lord, let YOUR will be done. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28♥
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