WOMEN ain't sh*t.....WAIT...MEN ain't either!

If you ask men what is the topic they hate hearing women talk about the most.  They'd say they hate all of the male bashing.  And I must agree, there are ALOT of women that male bash.  It is done so often that at times, I'm sucked into the party. Hahaha.  But let's be honest, MEN DO IT TOO!!!  Women say, "All men are dogs. Or men ain't sh*t."  Men say, "Women ain't sh*t. They are just as grimey as men."  Now I'm not saying that this statement doesn't fit SOME women because it does.  There are some women out there that have a "love em and leave em" attitude.  They're gonna get you before they get got.  THOSE women do not speak for the majority nor should you judge the majority by them. But men do it anyway. 

Men hold women to a higher standard and stereotype ALL the women by the women THEY deal with.  If they were more selective in choosing who they have relations and relationships WITH they'll realize that GOOD women do exist. She's the one you pushed to the side because she wanted you to take her out and get to know her before she slept with you. She's the one that you said was too demanding because she had standards and expected more out of you. She's the one who you cheated on or left because she wouldn't be your puppet. So in essence, the women YOU choose ain't sh*t. And you attract what YOU are. So it's time to do a self-evaluation :)  

For all the "Men ain't sh*t" ladies, this also applies to you.  Yes, there are some men out there that are SO trifling that they'll make you hate EVERY man because of his gender.  But it's not fair to let his wrath fall upon all men.  In the midst of your bitterness marinate on this: The GOOD man was the one who you pushed to the side because he was "too into you".  He's the one who you said you couldn't be with because he was too nice.  Or what about the one you cheated on because he said he didn't want you for just sex?  He wanted to get to know you first. And you remember the man who was too direct, right? Yeah, he was a good one too; but you're accustomed to guys stringing you along rather than being up front with you.  So in reality, the men YOU choose ain't sh*t because you are NOT looking for a GOOD man.  You're getting right what you want because if you wanted better, you'd get better.

So for once in our lives, let's be real.  When we've made a conscious decision to want better for ourselves and expect more out of life, we'll get exactly that.  But as long as, we're accepting the okie doke and entertaining the foolishness, there's no need to complain.  Why?  Because we're getting exactly what we like.  We enjoy the drama....the spontaneity of the inconsistent woman/man....the adrenaline rush of the chase...the not knowing.  It keeps us interested.  A good woman/man's consistency and loyalty is boring to us, which is why we overlook them.  But trust, when life takes it's toll and the heart is shattered beyond what WE feel can be repaired and the superficiality fades, we'll welcome him/her with OPEN arms.  Then, we'll be glad to have someone in our life that's sincere and loyal to us. Now understand that just because you've reached your breaking point doesn't mean he/she is going to drop right in your lap.  Anything worth having is worth working for and waiting for.  So be patient and work on being a GOOD man/woman while your waiting!♥

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Life Without You

I thought about you today and every day since you've been gone. Some days are better than others, but your death I still mourn.  So much of me comes from you, so it's hard to let you go.  How you molded me into the woman I am; How you forced my relationship with God to grow. I think about your teachings and how you embedded self-respect within me.  And during the times I was on foolishness, you gave me the third degree.  You never let me settle, constantly reminding me of who I was. Always chestisizing, but sealing it with love. If I could see your smile again, to hear you laugh was such a treat.  I never thought too much about tomorrow, but I always thought you'd be here with me.  And my heart aches with sorrow as tears wet my face.  Because I've lost someone so invaluable, that nothing can replace.  I've experienced great pain but THIS is the hardest to bare.  Because while imagining my married life, I pictured you there.

So what am I to do, without having you in my life?  I learnt virtuosity from you, how to be a great wife.  My kids will never experience your hugs and kisses, the love that you give.  I'll continue to spread your legacy, but without you, this is one hard life to live.  I wish I could come to you for you to calm and quiet the storm. No matter what was going on, you always kept me safe from harm.  And I've matured so much as a person that now I understand. All the things you said about people, I finally comprehend. I know you're with me in spirit but it'd be really good to see you. I could use your wisdom on what I'm going through.  I hear your voice alot of times telling me to stay strong. And your motivation, pushing me to go on. I love you for who you are to me and the morals/values you instilled. You taught me God is love and that love is real. I cry for you because I'm human, but I know you're in a better place. And I pray I make it to heaven too, just to see your face. Life without you is difficult because people don't understand me like you do. And to give my mama a break, I could always come and talk to you.  So I'm missing you more than ever, it's a wake up call for me. But I thank God for blessing me with you, before setting you free. ♥


...::::In Loving Memory of MISSIONARY TRESSIE LEE HARRIS WEBB::::...
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I's MARRIED NOW

So you've tied the knot. And you're living forever with the love of your life....or the bank of your life.....or the freak of your life, whatever the case may be. Now realize that the grass isn't always green. Hell....since married, it RARELY is. So who's to blame? Is it your fault that the life of the relationship has turned to gloom? Are you the reason the sunshine is now overcast? Let's not get into finger pointing, it doesn't matter. What's important is HOW you are going to fix it. Let's examine the ways.


1. KEEP UP YOUR APPEARANCE. This is NUMBER 1 because it is VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT. I cannot emphasize this enough. You should always have the best hygiene and keep yourself presentable. You know how you looked when they met you. Don't stray too far from that because you risk your spouse not being attracted to you anymore. I understand that over a course of time, we naturally put on a few pounds but when we see this happening, we must make adjustments. For one, you should already have some type of exercise regimen in your life to maintain a healthy living. Also, just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead. Continue to dress your best! Give your mate something to look forward to. No man wants to come home to the bag lady when he married Pam Anderson. Every person wants their spouse to be appealing to others. It makes them feel that much more special because they have someone that others would love to have. Also, smell nice....keep your private areas well groomed.....your skin soft and smooth (ladies esp)....and SMILE as often as possible.

2. COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER. You should take the time at least once a day to compliment your spouse, so that they are aware that they are appreciated. Whether it is on their appearance, their qualities or something they've done. A compliment makes anyone feel good. It also is a positive reinforcer and sets the tone for a positive environment. It eliminates the opportunity of outsiders getting a second thought in your spouses head by their words of praise. I don't understand how some people don't support their spouse in their endeavors. You should encourage and uplift your spouse, that is your LIFE PARTNER. If they're successful, YOU are successful. YOU ARE ONE!!!!!!!!!

3. BE ACTIVE. What things did you enjoy doing with your spouse PRIOR to marriage? Do you still do those things now? Couples tend to do less once they're married. You should continue to do outings and travel. The vows weren't created to be a damper on your life. You can still do the things you did before, just TOGETHER. If you're always doing something together, they'll be no time for boredom.

4. BE SPONTANEOUS!!!! This is the one thing I emphasize the MOST. In order to keep the spice forever and ever, you must be open to new ideas and new things. Consistency is good but don't get set in a regular routine in your personal life. Surprise your spouse, it keeps them on their toes. If you never know what's next, you'll be excited about tomorrow. And don't use having kids as an excuse, there are babysitters and there are also many things to do with the kids.

5. BE CONSIDERATE and RESPECTFUL of EACH OTHER. You married for better or worse. There will be many times when you don't agree but you are ONE, so either you work to come to a happy medium or you agree to RESPECTFULLY disagree. Be open to constructive criticism. It is for your own personal growth. It shouldn't offend you because the person giving it to you LOVES you SO much that out of everyone in the WORLD, they chose YOU to spend forever with!

6. BE SELFLESS. This is the MOST IMPORTANT OF THEM ALL. Understand that your union is a PARTNERSHIP and if your partner loses then YOU lose. YOU can't win against your spouse because you are ONE. There is NO you against them. You are ONE. I think a lot of people don't understand the whole concept of being ONE. There is NO more I, it's US...WE. So you have to do what's in the best interest of your mate, it's not just you anymore. So if you're planning on FOREVER, you have to put ME aside and concentrate on making US last. They were special enough for you to make a vow before God and everyone you love, then they are worth you putting your ego aside to build a lasting marriage.

7. BE READY and WILLING TO WORK. Marriage is a life long journey and it's going to be constant work. However, if you enjoy the journey by doing things to make each other happy, the times of strife won't be as discouraging. Once you accept the fact that it is constant work and embrace the experience as a whole, you will love life. Use times of turmoil as a learning experience and grow TOGETHER.

8. GIVE SPACE. This is essential. Don't be a smotherer. You are married to each other....you live together....you do a lot of things together. You should also do some things apart. Everyone needs their space. Now there is a such thing as too much space. What I mean is, have some activities that you do so that you have something to talk about each day. Maybe join a club or take a class or get a hobby, but DO something other than smother your spouse. I know....I know...you love them so much that you want to be with them every second of the day. Well if you do that, you'll love them AWAY. Too much of anything is never a good thing (except Jesus :-)). So GET A LIFE! Have your life together but also have a life apart. That doesn't mean cheat or do things you have NO business doing because you are STILL married!!! I'm merely suggesting having a life so you don't drain the life out of your marriage.

9. COMMUNICATE. This is a MUST. You must communicate your feelings. No one's psychic. If you don't say what you think....how you feel...what you want, then NO ONE will know. And when you say how you feel, be CLEAR. Don't say something to appease your spouse, be HONEST. Remember, this thing is forever so that's a long time to live a lie. If you see a potential problem or issue arising, talk about immediately. Be pro-active. Don't wait for things to get out of hand when they could be addressed as nothing. Also, communication eliminates misunderstandings and it builds trust and rapport. It allows you security of knowing that any issue that arises will be resolved appropriately.

10. YOU REPRESENT YOUR MATE. Your actions no longer define just you, they also define your spouse.  So ALWAYS carry yourself in a respectful manner. Be mindful that people are always watching and looking for someone or something to talk about so KEEP your marital affairs WITHIN the walls of YOUR HOUSE!!! If you bash and say negative things about your spouse, you're talking about YOURSELF! Why? Because YOU MARRIED THEM and your spouse is a reflection of you.  I can not re-iterate enough that HUSBAND and WIFE are ONE!  Not two, but ONE. SO ACT LIKE IT!

11. STOP SPEAKING SEPARATION/DIVORCE.  You two married, "Til DEATH do us part," so stop discussing separation.  You are to work on the issues of your marriage because it is a LIFE partnership. Divorce should be the farthest thing from your mind.  Both parties should be ready and willing to tackle every issue in life TOGETHER.  Almost anything is worth working through.  I say ALMOST anything because if you are being abused or cheated on, then LEAVE because you have to LOVE YOURSELF before you can love anyone else.

12.  INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. THIS  is the MOST IMPORTANT of them all.  You must base your marriage, your union, your life journey on the WORD of GOD.  Invite Jesus Christ into your marriage by PRAYING TOGETHER, reading your Bible TOGETHER, AND going to church TOGETHER.  By inviting Him into your marriage, you allow yourself to be open to Him working on you, your spouse, and your union.  If your union is based on the word of God, then BOTH parties should be open to change and compromise. Also, you should pray about things that are issues or potential issues in your marriage and God will surely work them out.  If you need sample prayers or scriptures to guide you in the right direction, just send me a msg.

13.  MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER.  I know that we are all on this journey to greatness, but you MUST make time for your spouse.  I understand that after working  a 60 hour work week that all you want to do is sleep, but you have a family to tend to.  Your family wants your attention too.  So ofter people value their career, their job, or getting money more than spending time with their loved ones.  You have to learn to make the MOST of your time and put the people in your life first.  You must get your priorities straight.  Yes money is essential and very necessary to provide for your family.  But time, nourishment, and attention is necessary to maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage.  So GET YOUR PRIORITIES straight and make sure that at least one day a week, you spend that whole day with your family.  Also plan to take a trip at least one weekend a month.  Make memories while the people are around to make them because there may come a time when all you have are memories.  Let's not live off of regrets but plan for what's next!  ENJOY YOUR SPOUSE...YOUR FAMILY...YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

  Now this is not an exhaustive list of what you should do to make your marriage better. However, they are very essential in keeping the marriage fresh and exciting. Always remember that you and your spouse are ONE. That means that there is NO need to be jealous of them nor adverse to them because you can't win when you're fighting yourself. So work together to make your life journey interesting, exciting and everlasting. Whoever said your life ends when you get married LIED. ENJOY IT, it's only the BEGINNING of a HAPPILY EVER AFTER :-)  YOU write your ending, so make it WORTHWHILE!  LIVE...LOVE...LAUGH ♥

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With This Ring I Thee Wed

In making a decision to marry someone, you are to proceed with extreme caution and diligence. It is not to be rushed nor badly thought out. You must consider every aspect of your life and your future spouses life. Do you have similar interest? Are your personalities compatible? Is their lifestyle compatible with yours? What are your complaints about them? Can any of those complaints be resolved? If not, can you deal with those complaints? Do you share the same views on marriage and children? Do they possess the morals and values you want your mate to have? How well do you know them? Have you ever seen them mad? These are only a few of the questions you should ponder while deciding on spending FOREVER with someone.


Often times, we let age, circumstances, and peer pressure make us feel like we must HURRY and marry. That's unfortunate because marriage is something that should be done out of love, dedication and admiration for your mate. It should be encompassed by the spirit of unity and love erasing the residue of loneliness and past hurt. Marriage won't cure those things which you have to fix from within. You have to work on who you are in your own time. Who you were BEFORE the marriage is who you will be AFTER the marriage UNLESS you work on you.

Prior to marriage, there is a preparation stage. This is the time that you ponder questions about what you're wanting out of a mate. It is also a time for self reflection. EXAMINE YOURSELF!!! Are you someone YOU would want to come home to? Probably not. What about you makes you hard to deal with? What areas could you improve? What about your life don't you like? What goal/fantasy/dream did you want to accomplish prior to marriage? What doors haven't you closed? Now take a look at your answers. You have identified what must be addressed and resolved PRIOR to marriage.

Keep in mind that you are planning to embark on a NEW life with someone and you don't want anything from your past hindering your future. That's why it is a must that you handle unresolved issues that may be a potential threat to your union. You don't have to disclose everything inch of your history to your mate because everyone has a past. But those things that could be damaging to your union if resurfaced should be disclosed. You owe them the courtesy of hearing it from you out of consideration rather than desperation.

Just keep in mind that getting married is a very serious decision to make. From a legal standpoint, it involves sharing of assets and a lot of time and paperwork to dissolve. There will also be emotional ties beyond any relationship you will ever have. So when choosing your spouse, be very very attentive and cautious in your search. Pay attention to the signs and be REALISTIC with yourself. A lot of things you may be able to deal with for a day....a month....a year....but we're talking FOREVER here. And if your thought was, "Well, if it doesn't work, I can always get a divorce." Then you definitely shouldn't be contemplating marriage because you're considering divorce before the I do's.  You are vowing to love this person until DEATH do you part.  So your mindset should be, "I am willing and ready to work through WHATEVER life throws at me and my spouse because THIS is the person I want to spend the REST of my life with."

MORAL: When considering marriage, you must do so with all seriousness and exercise extreme caution in your decisions. Marriage is a life changing event that should be honored and cherished. It is a sacred bond between husband and wife ordained by God. It is FOREVER and will change YOUR life FOREVER. So be sure you know what you're getting yourself into.♥

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