Status: FAILED

So yesterday was an extremely rough day for me. I dissected my life and looked at everything that I had been through and what I have accomplished. And I felt like I should be so much farther than where I am. I let the devil get the best of me. I cried and cried. I asked God why. I cried some more.  Then I cried over my Grandma. Alot of things have changed since she's been gone. It's crazy how so much of me came from her and I'm just realizing it.  And now my Grandda's in the hospital in Intensive Care. He had seizures on Sunday which we believe came from some new medication they gave him. We've been doing alot of praying and talking to him.

My faith was really tested yesterday. And I failed because I complained and cried; cried and complained.  Giving the devil all the glory he wanted. But I am better. And God has a sense of humor. He let me waddle in self pity then he had a friend to reach out to me in their time of despair and I had to encourage them. The same person who had waddled in self-pity had to encourage someone else.  Imagine that.  So I set my selfish pity aside and encouraged my friend. After listening to the words I said to them, I realized that I had done a dis-service to myself and to my God. Knowing what He is to me and what He has done for my life, I was ungrateful and cried as if He no longer existed. Not because I didn't believe He would bring me out but because I was at a place I didn't want to be. I let frustration get the best of me. I vow to never see those days again.  So I guess it's safe to say, that yesterday was a rough day.
 But baby I'm BACK ;-)

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Learned Fool

I look at them...the people in the world. And only a fool would want to stay out there amongst the hatred, the jealousy, the backstabbing, the evil. And I wasted so much of my life thinking I would be missing something if I totally submitted. Thinking the world had something God COULDN'T give me. What a fool I was. A LEARNED fool b/c I knew better. I was taught the way; I chose destruction; I chose turmoil; I chose heartache. His passion was deep within me, yet I ran. Hoping to escape that which I already knew. But today, I take off my running shoes. I will no longer commit spiritual suicide. Lord, let YOUR will be done. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28♥


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WOMEN ain't sh*t.....WAIT...MEN ain't either!

If you ask men what is the topic they hate hearing women talk about the most.  They'd say they hate all of the male bashing.  And I must agree, there are ALOT of women that male bash.  It is done so often that at times, I'm sucked into the party. Hahaha.  But let's be honest, MEN DO IT TOO!!!  Women say, "All men are dogs. Or men ain't sh*t."  Men say, "Women ain't sh*t. They are just as grimey as men."  Now I'm not saying that this statement doesn't fit SOME women because it does.  There are some women out there that have a "love em and leave em" attitude.  They're gonna get you before they get got.  THOSE women do not speak for the majority nor should you judge the majority by them. But men do it anyway. 

Men hold women to a higher standard and stereotype ALL the women by the women THEY deal with.  If they were more selective in choosing who they have relations and relationships WITH they'll realize that GOOD women do exist. She's the one you pushed to the side because she wanted you to take her out and get to know her before she slept with you. She's the one that you said was too demanding because she had standards and expected more out of you. She's the one who you cheated on or left because she wouldn't be your puppet. So in essence, the women YOU choose ain't sh*t. And you attract what YOU are. So it's time to do a self-evaluation :)  

For all the "Men ain't sh*t" ladies, this also applies to you.  Yes, there are some men out there that are SO trifling that they'll make you hate EVERY man because of his gender.  But it's not fair to let his wrath fall upon all men.  In the midst of your bitterness marinate on this: The GOOD man was the one who you pushed to the side because he was "too into you".  He's the one who you said you couldn't be with because he was too nice.  Or what about the one you cheated on because he said he didn't want you for just sex?  He wanted to get to know you first. And you remember the man who was too direct, right? Yeah, he was a good one too; but you're accustomed to guys stringing you along rather than being up front with you.  So in reality, the men YOU choose ain't sh*t because you are NOT looking for a GOOD man.  You're getting right what you want because if you wanted better, you'd get better.

So for once in our lives, let's be real.  When we've made a conscious decision to want better for ourselves and expect more out of life, we'll get exactly that.  But as long as, we're accepting the okie doke and entertaining the foolishness, there's no need to complain.  Why?  Because we're getting exactly what we like.  We enjoy the drama....the spontaneity of the inconsistent woman/man....the adrenaline rush of the chase...the not knowing.  It keeps us interested.  A good woman/man's consistency and loyalty is boring to us, which is why we overlook them.  But trust, when life takes it's toll and the heart is shattered beyond what WE feel can be repaired and the superficiality fades, we'll welcome him/her with OPEN arms.  Then, we'll be glad to have someone in our life that's sincere and loyal to us. Now understand that just because you've reached your breaking point doesn't mean he/she is going to drop right in your lap.  Anything worth having is worth working for and waiting for.  So be patient and work on being a GOOD man/woman while your waiting!♥

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Life Without You

I thought about you today and every day since you've been gone. Some days are better than others, but your death I still mourn.  So much of me comes from you, so it's hard to let you go.  How you molded me into the woman I am; How you forced my relationship with God to grow. I think about your teachings and how you embedded self-respect within me.  And during the times I was on foolishness, you gave me the third degree.  You never let me settle, constantly reminding me of who I was. Always chestisizing, but sealing it with love. If I could see your smile again, to hear you laugh was such a treat.  I never thought too much about tomorrow, but I always thought you'd be here with me.  And my heart aches with sorrow as tears wet my face.  Because I've lost someone so invaluable, that nothing can replace.  I've experienced great pain but THIS is the hardest to bare.  Because while imagining my married life, I pictured you there.

So what am I to do, without having you in my life?  I learnt virtuosity from you, how to be a great wife.  My kids will never experience your hugs and kisses, the love that you give.  I'll continue to spread your legacy, but without you, this is one hard life to live.  I wish I could come to you for you to calm and quiet the storm. No matter what was going on, you always kept me safe from harm.  And I've matured so much as a person that now I understand. All the things you said about people, I finally comprehend. I know you're with me in spirit but it'd be really good to see you. I could use your wisdom on what I'm going through.  I hear your voice alot of times telling me to stay strong. And your motivation, pushing me to go on. I love you for who you are to me and the morals/values you instilled. You taught me God is love and that love is real. I cry for you because I'm human, but I know you're in a better place. And I pray I make it to heaven too, just to see your face. Life without you is difficult because people don't understand me like you do. And to give my mama a break, I could always come and talk to you.  So I'm missing you more than ever, it's a wake up call for me. But I thank God for blessing me with you, before setting you free. ♥


...::::In Loving Memory of MISSIONARY TRESSIE LEE HARRIS WEBB::::...
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I's MARRIED NOW

So you've tied the knot. And you're living forever with the love of your life....or the bank of your life.....or the freak of your life, whatever the case may be. Now realize that the grass isn't always green. Hell....since married, it RARELY is. So who's to blame? Is it your fault that the life of the relationship has turned to gloom? Are you the reason the sunshine is now overcast? Let's not get into finger pointing, it doesn't matter. What's important is HOW you are going to fix it. Let's examine the ways.


1. KEEP UP YOUR APPEARANCE. This is NUMBER 1 because it is VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT. I cannot emphasize this enough. You should always have the best hygiene and keep yourself presentable. You know how you looked when they met you. Don't stray too far from that because you risk your spouse not being attracted to you anymore. I understand that over a course of time, we naturally put on a few pounds but when we see this happening, we must make adjustments. For one, you should already have some type of exercise regimen in your life to maintain a healthy living. Also, just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead. Continue to dress your best! Give your mate something to look forward to. No man wants to come home to the bag lady when he married Pam Anderson. Every person wants their spouse to be appealing to others. It makes them feel that much more special because they have someone that others would love to have. Also, smell nice....keep your private areas well groomed.....your skin soft and smooth (ladies esp)....and SMILE as often as possible.

2. COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER. You should take the time at least once a day to compliment your spouse, so that they are aware that they are appreciated. Whether it is on their appearance, their qualities or something they've done. A compliment makes anyone feel good. It also is a positive reinforcer and sets the tone for a positive environment. It eliminates the opportunity of outsiders getting a second thought in your spouses head by their words of praise. I don't understand how some people don't support their spouse in their endeavors. You should encourage and uplift your spouse, that is your LIFE PARTNER. If they're successful, YOU are successful. YOU ARE ONE!!!!!!!!!

3. BE ACTIVE. What things did you enjoy doing with your spouse PRIOR to marriage? Do you still do those things now? Couples tend to do less once they're married. You should continue to do outings and travel. The vows weren't created to be a damper on your life. You can still do the things you did before, just TOGETHER. If you're always doing something together, they'll be no time for boredom.

4. BE SPONTANEOUS!!!! This is the one thing I emphasize the MOST. In order to keep the spice forever and ever, you must be open to new ideas and new things. Consistency is good but don't get set in a regular routine in your personal life. Surprise your spouse, it keeps them on their toes. If you never know what's next, you'll be excited about tomorrow. And don't use having kids as an excuse, there are babysitters and there are also many things to do with the kids.

5. BE CONSIDERATE and RESPECTFUL of EACH OTHER. You married for better or worse. There will be many times when you don't agree but you are ONE, so either you work to come to a happy medium or you agree to RESPECTFULLY disagree. Be open to constructive criticism. It is for your own personal growth. It shouldn't offend you because the person giving it to you LOVES you SO much that out of everyone in the WORLD, they chose YOU to spend forever with!

6. BE SELFLESS. This is the MOST IMPORTANT OF THEM ALL. Understand that your union is a PARTNERSHIP and if your partner loses then YOU lose. YOU can't win against your spouse because you are ONE. There is NO you against them. You are ONE. I think a lot of people don't understand the whole concept of being ONE. There is NO more I, it's US...WE. So you have to do what's in the best interest of your mate, it's not just you anymore. So if you're planning on FOREVER, you have to put ME aside and concentrate on making US last. They were special enough for you to make a vow before God and everyone you love, then they are worth you putting your ego aside to build a lasting marriage.

7. BE READY and WILLING TO WORK. Marriage is a life long journey and it's going to be constant work. However, if you enjoy the journey by doing things to make each other happy, the times of strife won't be as discouraging. Once you accept the fact that it is constant work and embrace the experience as a whole, you will love life. Use times of turmoil as a learning experience and grow TOGETHER.

8. GIVE SPACE. This is essential. Don't be a smotherer. You are married to each other....you live together....you do a lot of things together. You should also do some things apart. Everyone needs their space. Now there is a such thing as too much space. What I mean is, have some activities that you do so that you have something to talk about each day. Maybe join a club or take a class or get a hobby, but DO something other than smother your spouse. I know....I know...you love them so much that you want to be with them every second of the day. Well if you do that, you'll love them AWAY. Too much of anything is never a good thing (except Jesus :-)). So GET A LIFE! Have your life together but also have a life apart. That doesn't mean cheat or do things you have NO business doing because you are STILL married!!! I'm merely suggesting having a life so you don't drain the life out of your marriage.

9. COMMUNICATE. This is a MUST. You must communicate your feelings. No one's psychic. If you don't say what you think....how you feel...what you want, then NO ONE will know. And when you say how you feel, be CLEAR. Don't say something to appease your spouse, be HONEST. Remember, this thing is forever so that's a long time to live a lie. If you see a potential problem or issue arising, talk about immediately. Be pro-active. Don't wait for things to get out of hand when they could be addressed as nothing. Also, communication eliminates misunderstandings and it builds trust and rapport. It allows you security of knowing that any issue that arises will be resolved appropriately.

10. YOU REPRESENT YOUR MATE. Your actions no longer define just you, they also define your spouse.  So ALWAYS carry yourself in a respectful manner. Be mindful that people are always watching and looking for someone or something to talk about so KEEP your marital affairs WITHIN the walls of YOUR HOUSE!!! If you bash and say negative things about your spouse, you're talking about YOURSELF! Why? Because YOU MARRIED THEM and your spouse is a reflection of you.  I can not re-iterate enough that HUSBAND and WIFE are ONE!  Not two, but ONE. SO ACT LIKE IT!

11. STOP SPEAKING SEPARATION/DIVORCE.  You two married, "Til DEATH do us part," so stop discussing separation.  You are to work on the issues of your marriage because it is a LIFE partnership. Divorce should be the farthest thing from your mind.  Both parties should be ready and willing to tackle every issue in life TOGETHER.  Almost anything is worth working through.  I say ALMOST anything because if you are being abused or cheated on, then LEAVE because you have to LOVE YOURSELF before you can love anyone else.

12.  INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. THIS  is the MOST IMPORTANT of them all.  You must base your marriage, your union, your life journey on the WORD of GOD.  Invite Jesus Christ into your marriage by PRAYING TOGETHER, reading your Bible TOGETHER, AND going to church TOGETHER.  By inviting Him into your marriage, you allow yourself to be open to Him working on you, your spouse, and your union.  If your union is based on the word of God, then BOTH parties should be open to change and compromise. Also, you should pray about things that are issues or potential issues in your marriage and God will surely work them out.  If you need sample prayers or scriptures to guide you in the right direction, just send me a msg.

13.  MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER.  I know that we are all on this journey to greatness, but you MUST make time for your spouse.  I understand that after working  a 60 hour work week that all you want to do is sleep, but you have a family to tend to.  Your family wants your attention too.  So ofter people value their career, their job, or getting money more than spending time with their loved ones.  You have to learn to make the MOST of your time and put the people in your life first.  You must get your priorities straight.  Yes money is essential and very necessary to provide for your family.  But time, nourishment, and attention is necessary to maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage.  So GET YOUR PRIORITIES straight and make sure that at least one day a week, you spend that whole day with your family.  Also plan to take a trip at least one weekend a month.  Make memories while the people are around to make them because there may come a time when all you have are memories.  Let's not live off of regrets but plan for what's next!  ENJOY YOUR SPOUSE...YOUR FAMILY...YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

  Now this is not an exhaustive list of what you should do to make your marriage better. However, they are very essential in keeping the marriage fresh and exciting. Always remember that you and your spouse are ONE. That means that there is NO need to be jealous of them nor adverse to them because you can't win when you're fighting yourself. So work together to make your life journey interesting, exciting and everlasting. Whoever said your life ends when you get married LIED. ENJOY IT, it's only the BEGINNING of a HAPPILY EVER AFTER :-)  YOU write your ending, so make it WORTHWHILE!  LIVE...LOVE...LAUGH ♥

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With This Ring I Thee Wed

In making a decision to marry someone, you are to proceed with extreme caution and diligence. It is not to be rushed nor badly thought out. You must consider every aspect of your life and your future spouses life. Do you have similar interest? Are your personalities compatible? Is their lifestyle compatible with yours? What are your complaints about them? Can any of those complaints be resolved? If not, can you deal with those complaints? Do you share the same views on marriage and children? Do they possess the morals and values you want your mate to have? How well do you know them? Have you ever seen them mad? These are only a few of the questions you should ponder while deciding on spending FOREVER with someone.


Often times, we let age, circumstances, and peer pressure make us feel like we must HURRY and marry. That's unfortunate because marriage is something that should be done out of love, dedication and admiration for your mate. It should be encompassed by the spirit of unity and love erasing the residue of loneliness and past hurt. Marriage won't cure those things which you have to fix from within. You have to work on who you are in your own time. Who you were BEFORE the marriage is who you will be AFTER the marriage UNLESS you work on you.

Prior to marriage, there is a preparation stage. This is the time that you ponder questions about what you're wanting out of a mate. It is also a time for self reflection. EXAMINE YOURSELF!!! Are you someone YOU would want to come home to? Probably not. What about you makes you hard to deal with? What areas could you improve? What about your life don't you like? What goal/fantasy/dream did you want to accomplish prior to marriage? What doors haven't you closed? Now take a look at your answers. You have identified what must be addressed and resolved PRIOR to marriage.

Keep in mind that you are planning to embark on a NEW life with someone and you don't want anything from your past hindering your future. That's why it is a must that you handle unresolved issues that may be a potential threat to your union. You don't have to disclose everything inch of your history to your mate because everyone has a past. But those things that could be damaging to your union if resurfaced should be disclosed. You owe them the courtesy of hearing it from you out of consideration rather than desperation.

Just keep in mind that getting married is a very serious decision to make. From a legal standpoint, it involves sharing of assets and a lot of time and paperwork to dissolve. There will also be emotional ties beyond any relationship you will ever have. So when choosing your spouse, be very very attentive and cautious in your search. Pay attention to the signs and be REALISTIC with yourself. A lot of things you may be able to deal with for a day....a month....a year....but we're talking FOREVER here. And if your thought was, "Well, if it doesn't work, I can always get a divorce." Then you definitely shouldn't be contemplating marriage because you're considering divorce before the I do's.  You are vowing to love this person until DEATH do you part.  So your mindset should be, "I am willing and ready to work through WHATEVER life throws at me and my spouse because THIS is the person I want to spend the REST of my life with."

MORAL: When considering marriage, you must do so with all seriousness and exercise extreme caution in your decisions. Marriage is a life changing event that should be honored and cherished. It is a sacred bond between husband and wife ordained by God. It is FOREVER and will change YOUR life FOREVER. So be sure you know what you're getting yourself into.♥

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A FRUITFUL LIFE

 I have been spending time with the Lord and examining my life.  Finally focusing on me.  My issue is that I have a BIG heart and I literally want to save the world.  Like Martin Luther, I too have a dream.  But my Father always says, you have to get you right before you can help anyone else.  Well, I always skipped over that part, giving people my last, putting my needs on the back burner. But that's a blessing and a curse because at times it hinders my progress.  I'm hindered because I take on the burdens of others and involve myself beyond what is necessary. And I am JUST learning how to minister or assist you in your time of dilemma while forming healthy boundaries.  I don't regret my decisions to help people because the feeling I get from helping others is worth it.  But I want to be able to help, not one, but millions. Change lives. Save souls. Make a difference in a positive light. I realize that starts with ME.

Alot of times, we have dreams and goals but never achieve them because we don't put forth the effort to. We want to eat the fruit off someone else's tree, instead of planting our own.  The may very well let you have a piece, but that's only temporary.  In order to have stability and security, you must plant your owns seeds of labor.  Your seeds of labor will produce trees that bare fruits of your hard work.  But keep in mind that if you give average effort, you get average results.  If you give above average effort, then you'll get above average results.  You get what you give.  I have GREAT aspirations.  My dreams are extraordinary and so is God's plan for my life.  So I am prepared to give ALL I've got and some, in order to achieve my dreams and goals.  And THAT'S exactly what you've got to do.  Don't just set goals and talk about your dreams, GO AFTER them! 

Know that you can achieve ANYTHING you put your mind to.  MEDITATE on your dreams.  CREATE a plan of attack. And EXECUTE that plan.  It may take longer than you expect or want, but any progress is better than none.  Don't let anyone or anything come in between you and your dreams.  And definitely don't let lack of effort or work ethic stand in your way.  In order to reap the fruits of your labor, you MUST put in WORK.  Now get to work! ♥


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SUBMISSION

Let's talk about the word, SUBMISSIVE!!  When I hear this word, I automatically associate it with a negative thought.  It's directly connected with the word "place", as in "A woman should know her place."  Both of these words have been widely abused by men in a demeaning way, which kind of forces women to buck against the whole concept.  Naturally a person will fight against something they find to be offensive.  I know some men are reading this and saying, "See...that's what I'm talking about.  She's one of them that don't know her place."  Before you past judgment on me, I ask that you hear me out.

In life, you can pretty much get whatever you want if you go about it the RIGHT way.  Pay attention to your tone and choose your words wisely when communicating.  A woman's place is beside you.  Place equals physical position. Since what you're really addressing is her role/position in the making of a family or relationship, you should use the word role or position.  The word "role" or "position" sounds much better than "place."  And it's less offensive. 

Yes the WIFE is to SUBMIT to her HUSBAND and the HUSBAND is to SUBMIT to GOD. Women will have NO problem submitting to a man who's allowing GOD to lead him. No one wants to be led by a fool! A woman, especially a smart woman, wants to know that her man is being led by someone she can trust, ie. GOD.  She has to be able to trust and respect HER MAN'S judgment.  Also, the man can't expect her to do those things that God has mandated and requires of her if he's not fulfilling those things that GOD requires of him.  A woman is a man's glory (1 Cor. 11:7) and his actions should line up with GOD'S word (Eph. 5:25, 33).  MEN: submission DOES NOT = dictatorship. God created woman as your HELP mate (Gen. 2:18), meaning, she has input and should be considered in YOUR decisions. He created her to be BESIDE you.....NOT in front of you nor behind you.  You are NOT superior to her....she is NOT beneath you!  Yes you are the head of the household...the protector, but understand your roll, as well.  READ your Bible! 

Keep in mind that the Bible addresses submission in reference to HUSBAND and WIFE, NOT boyfriend and girlfriend.  So sorry fellas....if you're just in a relationship, you really aren't entitled to anything.  You better take that extra step, because you have no entitlement to the privileges a husband gets.  If that was the case, women would be submitting to all types of men that are here by day, gone by night.  Allowing anyone to have the last say over their well-being.  The Bible states HUSBAND and WIFE requiring that their be the ultimate commitment between the two.

Another common misconception is when men assume that because a woman has a strong personality that she will be difficult in a relationship. If a woman loves, respects and appreciates who she's with, no matter how strong she is, she will do what it takes for the relationship to work!  And you can not judge how a woman is in a relationship by how she interacts with you prior to being in a relationship with you.  Nor can you base it on how she treats her male friends.  I'm sure that a woman's behavior gives you a general indication of what type of person she is.  However, if she's a woman worth her salt, her man will receive preferential treatment.  He will be entitled to things that a common man will never know she's capable of nor get to experience without the commitment and intimate connection. 

MORAL: You can't judge a book by it's cover.  Nor will you attract flies with vinegar.♥

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YOU First

So often, people search for others to COMPLETE them. They look to material things to make them feel better about themselves....to give them reassurance....to increase their self worth. When really, the solution is within. You have to spend time with yourself....work on yourself.....evaluate yourself. Capitalize on strengths and embrace your weaknesses, for they make you you! Your imperfections are the very things that make you unique. So embrace who you are!!!

Look at your failed relationships. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect someone else to make you happy? They can't. Your unhappiness will gradually drain the light that they have. It may be enough to sustain the relationship in the beginning, but eventually you're gonna wear them down. Besides, that's not the answer to your problems.....YOU are the answer to your problems. Work on you! Focus on you! Before you set those high expectations and make your list of demands on what you want from/in a mate, check yourself. You can't expect or want what you don't possess.

The first step is making a REALISTIC evaluation...we lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. Realistically, are you the person you want to come home to every night? Would you tolerate the behavior and attitude you have toward your mate? If not, then that's one thing that has to change. What are your strengths? Your weaknesses? What can you do to improve in the areas that you're lacking?

The second step is ACCOUNTABILITY. Reflect on past and present experiences, both good and bad. What did YOU do wrong in those situations? What could YOU have done to make the situation better? What did YOU learn from those experiences? What can YOU do to prevent future occurrences?

The third step is CONSTANT SELF IMPROVEMENT. Take the analysis and improve in ALL areas of your life. Not just in your weaknesses, but ALL areas. Focus on your career, your character, your health and fitness, your hygiene, your presentation, your education, your spirituality, and being selfless. Repeat this daily. And by the time you strengthen those areas, you will BE the person you want and HAVE the mate you desire.

No one wants the gift box with beautiful wrapping and the nice, shiny bow if there's nothing inside of it. They want a nice gift to be inside it. And if there isn't one, the box will be tossed aside. That's the same thing with people. Yes your outer appearance may be stunning. But when the initial fascination wears off, if that's all you have. You'll be tossed aside for someone with substance. Physical appearance gets you the interview but the total package gets you the job. Work on yourself....every aspect of you. Be the best you, YOU can be. Don't cheat yourself, this is YOUR life. You define your legacy, so make it GREAT!!!♥

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Mistresses Misconstrued Mistaken

Back in the olden days, mistresses understood that what they were doing was frowned upon. They knew they were a home wrecker and it was unacceptable in society's eyes. So they kept their affairs and their business on the low. Kids grew up being put on the wrong fathers or not knowing their father at all. Why? Because the mistress knows that Married John is NOT going to leave his wife and that her role in his life is insignificant. So she took it for what it was worth, raised her child and secretly reaped the benefits from him.

But nowadays, the mistresses think they ARE the wife. These guys have girlfriends with wives on the side. They are seen EVERYWHERE with the married man. They plaster pictures everywhere. Hell, they even call the house to make sure the wife knows about them. #Tigerwoods These women are off their rocker. They have lost their minds. Like in the instance of Steve McNair. What gave you the nerve to KILL...not fight....not run over....but KILL SOME ONE else's husband. I was blowed by this for weeks. Just could not believe it. You weren't even the girlfriend. You were timesharing the mistress slot with other chics and you STILL had the nerve to KILL someone else's husband. These women really don't know their role. You are SADLY mistaken.

So I guess I'll help you out because it's not your fault you don't understand. If your man is married, he is NOT your man. He is SOMEONE ELSE'S man....SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND. So don't even waste your time. If you can't call his home phone or get him after a certain time, He is probably married or seriously involved. If he meets you and tells you he's married but separated or on bad terms. #lyingthroughhisteeth Don't fall for the okie doke, buddy is still with her. They are all on bad terms when they see a beautiful woman or someone who strikes their interest.

I understand that most women who deal with married men do so because the married guys cake faster and easier. This is because they know they have to compensate you for the commitment and time they can not provide. At first you'll be okay with the arrangement. But face it, you're human. And eventually you will catch feelings because you're spending time with that person and sharing your body with him. SO save yourself the heartache and the drama and entertain single suitors only. I know the ring and the unavailability makes the package quite appealing, but exercise some self restraint and have some self respect for once. Just do the wife a favor and let her keep her husband and the kids their dad. I'm sure they'd thank you for it. Besides, one day you may be someone's wife. And when the roles are reversed, you're gonna want Ms. Homewrecker to have mercy on you. So do unto to others and make better decisions. Love yourself because no one else has to :) ♥

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Simply Complicated

Life is so ambiguous. Nothing is abstract...definite...certain. It all has its twists and turns. You can plan to a certain degree but fate...chance...coincidence...whatever you choose to call it, will step in. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And that NOTHING happens by chance. Everything happens according to God's will for your life. Why do I believe in that? Because I am a very spiritual and religious being. My life experiences have shown me beyond a doubt that there is a higher being and I trust and believe in Him with all that is within me.


Now, let's step away from that for a minute. Look at your life. Examine the current situations in your life. Now reflect on your past experiences. Do you recall the situation you were in that had you on the brink of depression? No one understood what was going on and you were too drained from dealing with it that you didn't even have the energy to explain it. So everyone thought that you were over reacting. They criticized you and said you were weak. Now you look back on it, and maybe you were weak. Maybe it was simple, but because it was a new experience, it seemed complex. All of the circumstances you were dealing with contributed to it being overwhelming at the time.

Ok, now what about the situations that weren't really situations because you were equipped to handle those before they escalated to something bigger. And right into your resolving the easy issue the drama unfolds. There's a minor technicality. It's not so simple, after all. So your simple issue just got complicated and once again, the nay sayers are all in your ear. But forget about them. This is your life. These are your issues, so take as long as you like.

Some appear to have ALL the answers, but realistically, they don't. So no matter how well put together a person may seem, they are just as clueless as you are and is learning trial by error, as well. The difference is that they learn in private and somehow, your experiences are open for viewing. To openly make mistakes and learn from them while dealing with uninvited criticism warrants great accolades.

My life has always been an open book. Everything I did was under a magnifying glass. Examined...disected...put back together then picked apart again. And I became accustomed to it, to the point that I no longer cared about what people thought. What you say about me does not determine who I am. I continued to do me openly, always offering my personal business because I was proud of who I was. I feel my openness and disregard for others disent is a strength, but it also had its negatives. Why voluntarily invite people into your life that has no place or importance? Why disclose information that others should not be privy to? Why allow insignificant people to see the inner struggle....the trials of your life?

Those are great questions....so you should ponder those. Truth is, life IS a roller coaster. It's messy. You will take the wrong route, end up at dead ends, and make the wrong decisions. But that's nothing to stress about. You are to learn from your experiences and prepare to make your mark in the world. I would rather have failed a million times then to NEVER have failed at all, because with failed attempts, success is soon to follow. You only have one life, so decide what legacy you want to leave. All in all, life is not easy. It requires hard work. It demands perseverance. So don't take it lightly or short change yourself. Give it your all, if nothing else. There's no easy way out, Life is SIMPLY COMPLICATED. ♥

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What happened to Marriage?

As I counsel different people about their relationships/marriages, I can't help but wonder, what happened to marriage? What happened to the FOREVERNESS and the SACREDNESS? I am so tired of hearing people talking about taking half and/or losing half. I just don't understand it. Why marry if you're already planning for dissolution before it even begins? Marriage is such a beautiful thing. A union between TWO people VOWING to love eachother for their natural lives! It is ordained by God and pleasing in His eyes. The beauty of it has been tainted by society's materialism, coupled with infidelity, due to people's lack of respect. It's really heart breaking.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am praying for a LIFE long partner. I am in it for better or WORSE, for sickness or health, til DEATH do we part. I could care less about half. I want a WHOLE marriage with a WHOLE husband/father/friend. Half just won't do! I take care of Merchon, so half means nothing to me. I want a marriage like the olden days...one filled with respet and love, surviving anything....exemplifying daily that they are ONE.

I've seen a marriage of 57 years with my grandparents and 31 years with my parents, so I know that marriage is constant work. Marriage is HARD work, but HEART work. I've seen infidelity....sickness....confusion....dipping family members.....turmoil....but more importantly, I've seen LOVE and FORGIVENESS. I am aware that NO relationship is conflict free, which is why communication is essential in conflict resolution. Discussing your concerns BEFORE they become problems is the KEY to making your marriage/relationship work. My parents' and grandparents' marriages weren't always great but they had love and they worked hard to sustain their marriage. I can't say that I would be able to work through infidelity but I know it can be done. I've witnessed it. I see the love...the commitment. And I can only imagine how comforting it must be to KNOW that you always have someone in your corner that GENUINELY loves you and has YOUR BEST interest at heart, NO MATTER WHAT!!! Now THAT'S a MARRIAGE, so don't cheat yourself!!! You must enter into it knowing that there will be trials and tribulations but anything worth having is worth working for and waiting for! So stick it out.

You just need to be meticulous in your observations and diligent in your selection. Take time in your dating and indulge in A LOT of conversation so that you can learn what really lies beneath the surface. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Choosing a mate is about more than beauty, body and other superficial things. People go wrong by the things they put importance on. You have to pay attention to a persons values, goals, and compassion. Someone who's less concerned with material things and more concerned with life, love, and happiness. Someone with virtues. They still exist. You just have to be more patient and wiser in your search.

Despite society depreciating marriage's importance to the equivalent of a "social" event, I STILL value it's SACREDNESS. That is why I haven't jumped into marriage. I am meticulous in my observations and diligent in my selection. I understand that there is no such thing as a perfect person. However, FOREVER is a very long time and I refuse to spend it with the WRONG one.

Marriage is a beautiful union between TWO people ordained by God. It is honorable and deserving of the utmost respect and appreciation. It should be entered into with the intention of being together forever. When families split, not only do you lose a part of you, but if you have kids, they are affected. So please, be diligent in your selection and choose wisely. More importantly, PRAY about it. And until God sends who HE has for YOU, continue to work on you and strive to become the person God wants you to be. And I will be doing the same. SMOOCHES♥

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Does family matter?

This past weekend, I took time off from work and went home to be with my grandparents because both were ill. My sister and I split our days in between being at the hospital with my grandma and the house with my granddad. I spent my nights with granddad and she spent her nights with Grandma. And we spent the days alternating between both. My parents are out of town, so my Mom calls us ALL day for status updates.

At times, you would think that my Mom was an only child. Well, my uncle also helps a lot but he lives in another city and his job isn't that flexible. But there's actually SEVEN of them and only two really carry the load. I watch how my grandparents' living conditions and their quality of life has decreased due to the people who make the decisions regarding their living/health. My grandparents worked extremely hard so that their 8 kids (1 deceased) could enjoy the finer things of life and live like they were part of a smaller family. They sacrificed and put God first, while instilling morals and values in their children. They were faithful servants to God and outstanding citizens in the community. And it hurts to see them in their latter years being treated like second class citizens by those they labored so diligently to provide for.

I can't help but wonder, where is the love? I am only a grandchild, the third generation, but my grandparents' teachings, character and integrity are embedded within me. I know God because of THEM. I have morals and values because of THEM. I know what LOVE is because of them. I value the sacred bond of marriage because of THEM. They were an excellent example of what a loving, long-lasting marriage should be. I love them with ALL my heart and want the best for them. So to see them being watched, not entertained....not taken places...not read to, but WATCHED, day in and day out, hurts my heart. It just seems like they are holding them hostage until death comes. I want SO much more for them. They were active in their daily life. They went to dinner often..they travelled.

I know it's easy for me to complain and voice my opinion because I don't live there. But if I was financially able, I'd take time off from work. I'd live with them and put my granddad in his wheelchair, put grandma in my car and we'd take daily outtings. I just feel like when you love someone, you do all you can and spend all the time you can with them while they're living. You pray for them and believe miracles for them because your love is SO strong that NOTHING is impossible. Despite all the diagnosis and conditions that they have been tagged with, my love and my faith in God pushes me to believe that they still have life ahead of them and I refuse to let them go.

But the way they have been treated by those they love so dearly hurts my heart. It shows me that people are selfish and thoughtless. How could you NOT want the best for someone who provided and cared for you...someone who showed you unconditional love...who doctored on your wounds and fought those battles that you were too young or too weak to fight?

Because you are so caught up in self and material things that you forget that one day, you too will age. And who will care for you? Will they show lack of concern for you as you have to your parents? God pays every man according his works.(Job 34:11) For whatever a man soweth, so shall he reap.(Gal. 6:7) If no one else sees you, GOD DOES. So watch yourself because it's coming back.♥

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Day to Day

Hello again. I know it's been a while since my last post. Well, life has thrown its curve balls and I've been taking it all day to day. Nonetheless, God ALWAYS provides. So I am writing today to encourage you and share some small steps that may help you through out your day. Hope it's as helpful and enlightening for you as it was for me.

At the beginning of your day invite Jesus to partner with you.
When you have a tough problem, ask Him for help.
When you have a difficult decision to make, ask Him for wisdom.
When your energy flagging, ask Him for renewed strength.
When you find your attitude turning negative, ask Him to re-orient your heart.
Every few hours as you're working, pause 2 or 3 minutes:
  Thank Him for His help.
  Hand Him your worries.
  Ask for His energy.

Whatever you do, Do it in the Name of Jesus. Col. 3:17 ♥

Epiphany

I think about life all the time. Where I am.....where I'm going.....where I should be....why I'm not there. And truth is, It was due to a number of things....I trusted too easily....cared too deeply....even shared too much. Which is crazy because those are great qualities to possess but bad to exemplify when you're trying to excel. Especially, when you're dealing with people who aren't really for you. Those people will take your kindness as weakness and take advantage of your humility. More importantly, they will distract you from God's purpose for your life. And they did just that to me. I found myself engaging in meaningless activity and wasting time on things I can't even recall. It took me a minute to see through the falsity. As the saying goes, "everything that glitters ain't gold." Boy, do I know the meaning of that. I wasn't hurt that they weren't who they presented themselves to be, just disappointed in myself for being so naive.

So here I am today. My heart cries for progression. It yearns to be more than I am right now. Yes, where I am is a great place for most, but it's not good enough for me. I know that my journey is long, for my God says so. And I am both excited and discouraged because I wonder if I have even begun to travel it. I look at the years I have wasted on frivolous matters and superficial people, and cry because I know those years are lost forever. But hope dries my eyes and aspiration gives me the energy to press on.

At times my heart aches because I'm not in the position to help others to the magnitude I desire. For someone to humble them self and come to me, and I can't help....hurts like hell! So I strive daily, not for me, for them. I press everyday, not for me, for them. I can't give up, no matter how hard it becomes, because this battle isn't just for me, my people need me! So I will press on.....I will fight through it...And stay positive because this is bigger than me. It is my duty! I will not let man, material things nor the cares of this world keep me from God's purpose for my life! If not me, then who?♥

"For many are called, but few are chosen." Matt.22:14

Love...Love....Love

Have you ever loved something/someone so much that you would do anything to make it work? And it seemed that whatever you did, it didn't work. And just when you decided to walk away....to leave, there were signs that maybe it could work. That you shouldn't give up. So you hold onto that small piece of hope. Replaying every good memory. Analyzing every action, every exchange, to determine if you've done your part. Then you realize that there are some things you could've done but didn't. What should you do? Say those things you should've said? Do those things you didn't? If you still have the opportunity, then yes. But if the relationship has run its course, then let it go. That's life. You pray about it, suck it up and move on.

It's just so hard to move on from love, even if it's one-sided because the heart fights for what it feels. Makes excuses for what it can't cure. Holds on to what it can't let go. Accepts what it can't change. And all of that's fine, but don't let love abuse you, mistreat you, ruin you so that you're incapable of loving again.

I know all about love. About the feeling of excitement when it's new. The anxiety and adrenaline flowing through your body prior to every meeting with the new love. The racing of your heartbeat with just the sound of their name. That's the honeymoon stage. Eventually the new love fades and it becomes day to day. You encounter real life problems and disagreements. This is the test of your love. Can it survive differences? Misunderstandings? Possibly infidelity? They say love covers a multitude of fault, so it just may. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

The trouble area in love is the compromise. It can't always be the same person compromising. In order to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, each party has to give and respect the other's wishes. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to. But you should do it with a smile because it makes the person that you love happy. Their happiness is enough to make your sacrifice worthwhile.

Personally, I struggle with love because my emotions are so deep and unconditional. The level of my loyalty and devotion makes me very hesitant to take that route. My hesitation doesn't necessarily take away my ability to love but it creates a wall that one must breakdown to enjoy the benefits of my love. See I am one that gives her all, not for notoriety or the opportunity to throw it in your face later. But for the joy it brings...for the smile on his face. Everyone wants an unselfish lover but what happens when you get one and you're not ready to give love? My fear is loving someone that doesn't love me. The thought of going day to day thinking about him, wandering if I crossed his mind. And the fact that I have to wonder.....such a humbling experience. But I do know, that one can not truly appreciate love until he/she has experienced heartbreak. It is then that you value the small things and become more understanding of life's mishaps.

Love...Love...Love. People define love in many different ways, but the bottom line is this: You must love GOD and yourself before you can love anyone else. Now that's a proven fact!♥

INDEPENDENT WOMEN

Let's talk about independent woman. Men say they want a strong, independent woman yet they are intimidated by them. So the million dollar question is "why do they knock gold-diggers if deep down, they want someone who needs them?"

I understand that the term independent woman has somewhat of a negative image because some women take it to the male bashing level. But not all independent women are like that. I feel independent means that for the most part, you are self-sufficient and financially you provide for yourself. And no we, independent women, may not need a man for financial stability but we want a man for companionship, emotional support, and help in others areas. For a man to be wanted by a woman is the ultimate compliment because she's made a conscious choice to have you in her life. She chose you. She wasn't forced due to a need not being met. It was her free will.

I just had to discuss this topic because I am baffled by the fact that some men feel like they can't add to the lives of successful women. And these men knock those women because they feel inadequate. I don't think that's fair. I take pride in being a strong, independent black woman but the joy and fulfillment I receive is not at anyone's expense. My feeling of accomplishment, knowing that I can stand on my own should not offend anyone. And any man should be happy to have a woman that can hold her own and his too if there ever comes a time that he can't.

My grandmother taught me that being a strong woman doesn't mean you have to step on your mates toes. The strength comes in picking and choosing your battles....letting him lead and subtly stepping in when you realize that he's lost his way.

I encourage my women to continue to make a way for yourselves because at the end of the day, if the relationship goes sour, all you've got is you. But be open to love and allowing the man to be a man. Don't go into the relationship with a negative outlook...pick your battles wisely.... love...live...and compromise.

And to my men, I understand that there are women who make it their business to let you know that they do not need you! And that may very well be true. But she does need love, we all do! So you shouldn't let a woman's credentials, possessions, looks or confidence deter you from showing interest. If in fact you are interested. Take the time to get to know her, to understand her. Normally the harder the exterior, the softer/warmer the interior. There's alot of lonely people out there. She may not need your finances but there's so much more to give than that. Strong women...independent women....successful women....all need love. TRUST ME!♥

PROCRASTINATION

Hey!!! So I finally created a blog and I am soooo excited because I have alot to share with the world! (Lol) Just to give you a little insight about me, I am a country girl with Hollywood swag. I've been through alot....overcame more....and I continue to press toward the mark. I am a strong woman with Christian values but as the book says, "God's not through with me yet!"

I titled this blog "Procrastination" because that is my Kryptonite. I have good intentions and GREAT ideas. I plan for it....then I take forever to follow through. Lol But today...TODAY BABY!?! I am procrastination FREE!! And it feels great!

Are you a procrastinator? Is there anything in your life that you've always wanted to do, planned for it, but never took the final steps to make it happen? I say STOP procrastinating and JUST DO IT! From one procrastinator to another, I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! ♥