Just four days ago I was recapping my year and ecstatic about the future. Not saying that that has changed, but things have changed. Yes, just THAT quickly. On January 3, 2011, my Grandfather died. I remember being in bed on the computer and my Dad came into the room ans said, "Your mama called. They say your Granddaddy having trouble breathing. She say we better come over." I calmly got dressed. No rush. The ride over was quiet as I thought and analyzed. We passed the fire truck, but I still wasn't clued in. When I saw all the cars at the yard, my heart started to beat fast. But it wasn't until I walked into the house and everybody sat red eyed that it hit me, my Granddaddy was gone. The man they gave up in 1999. The man who suffered over 7 strokes. The same man who had a brain aneurism 7 years ago and stayed in a coma for 10 days then came out WITHOUT surgery. This man was gone. The fighter had surrendered. He had fought his last fight. Taken his last breath. Cried his last tear. No more sleepless nights...no more gagging....no more putting up with all the foolishness of this world.
He is reunited with his Queen. I am happy for him but I hurt like hell. To endure this all over again makes it hard to do anything but cry. And I here I am thinking why me??? Not again...I always knew he would go one day but he fought so hard and defied EVERY medical diagnosis that I just KNEW that he would be around for a while, no matter what they said. I never ever imagined losing one but to lose BOTH of them in a matter of 3 months and 22 days is like someone ripped my heart out, stomped on it and laughed in my face as I cried in pain.
I have so much anger....hurt....and resentment. But I smile in spite of the pain and talk about other things because there's so much fury within me. I'm praying like never before because I'm not the woman I used to be. My innocence snatched away and reality sets in, such a disheartening experience. These last few months revealed alot about people. People are selfish and all about a dollar. They'll forsake love for money and loyalty is becoming extinct.
My Grandda taught me to love whole heartedly, give unselfishly and live freely, despite what others may think. He did what he felt was right regardless what people said. And if you didn't like it then that was your problem because the only person he had to answer to was God. He taught us that, "God will pay every man according to his works." And the way he lived his life showed that he strongly believed that. Grandda was a work horse. He worked 12 to 18 hour days and STILL ran a prosperous church. I don't know anyone that works harder than him. I was blessed to have him in my life. Even though, I STAYED in trouble with him. Always threatening to get "Mr. DO RIGHT," which was what he named his belt. But he knew I was no stranger to whipping. Matter of fact, that was my middle name Merchon "Whipping" Green. Lol Wow, that made me laugh.
The past couple of years, everytime I came home, he'd say, "Merchon, where ya man at?" And I'd say, "I'm working on it Grandda." And he'd say, "You know um gone marry you don't you. Uma do your wedding." And I'd say, "Yes sir." Then he'd say, "Well you better hurry up before there's nobody left to marry." And I'd just laugh. And say, "Ahh Grandda, u wrong." Then we'd laugh together. Other days, I'd come into the house and beat him to the punch, "Grandda, I need you to pray with me." He'd say, "Ok, what we praying about?" And I'd reply, "I'm trying to get this man. Pray that I get this man Grandda." And we'd laugh. And I'd tell him all about him.
He had such a sense of humor and FULL of jokes. Always had his clever riddles and sayings to make you laugh. He said, "Uma bad man. I'll handcuff lightning and hold back thunder. Put everybody in the graveyard on a wonder. Baddest man from the West Coast." Lol, He was in deed a bad man. Standing only 5'6 but tough as nails, never backing down to anyone or about anything. I could always count on Grandda to threaten to beat me or make me laugh, just depended on the day. What a couple they were. I had never seen them argue, except after our choir had sung on program on Saturday night and we were trying to talk Grandda out of Sunday morning service. I was always the guinnea pig. After reminding him of how we turn the church out and that we were traveling back late. Sometimes he'd give in and say no church in the morning. And Grandma would give him the devil, "Rev you can't let those kids stop you from having church." Lol
Grandda was cooler than a fan. But he ate anything. Old back woods Gawga boy! Eating fried hog brains....now THAT was NOT cool. I'll always carry you in my heart, everything that you instilled in me; the love you embedded. The legacy you created will live on through us. It's all we know. R.I.P Grandda, love you!♥
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