YOU First

So often, people search for others to COMPLETE them. They look to material things to make them feel better about themselves....to give them reassurance....to increase their self worth. When really, the solution is within. You have to spend time with yourself....work on yourself.....evaluate yourself. Capitalize on strengths and embrace your weaknesses, for they make you you! Your imperfections are the very things that make you unique. So embrace who you are!!!

Look at your failed relationships. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect someone else to make you happy? They can't. Your unhappiness will gradually drain the light that they have. It may be enough to sustain the relationship in the beginning, but eventually you're gonna wear them down. Besides, that's not the answer to your problems.....YOU are the answer to your problems. Work on you! Focus on you! Before you set those high expectations and make your list of demands on what you want from/in a mate, check yourself. You can't expect or want what you don't possess.

The first step is making a REALISTIC evaluation...we lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. Realistically, are you the person you want to come home to every night? Would you tolerate the behavior and attitude you have toward your mate? If not, then that's one thing that has to change. What are your strengths? Your weaknesses? What can you do to improve in the areas that you're lacking?

The second step is ACCOUNTABILITY. Reflect on past and present experiences, both good and bad. What did YOU do wrong in those situations? What could YOU have done to make the situation better? What did YOU learn from those experiences? What can YOU do to prevent future occurrences?

The third step is CONSTANT SELF IMPROVEMENT. Take the analysis and improve in ALL areas of your life. Not just in your weaknesses, but ALL areas. Focus on your career, your character, your health and fitness, your hygiene, your presentation, your education, your spirituality, and being selfless. Repeat this daily. And by the time you strengthen those areas, you will BE the person you want and HAVE the mate you desire.

No one wants the gift box with beautiful wrapping and the nice, shiny bow if there's nothing inside of it. They want a nice gift to be inside it. And if there isn't one, the box will be tossed aside. That's the same thing with people. Yes your outer appearance may be stunning. But when the initial fascination wears off, if that's all you have. You'll be tossed aside for someone with substance. Physical appearance gets you the interview but the total package gets you the job. Work on yourself....every aspect of you. Be the best you, YOU can be. Don't cheat yourself, this is YOUR life. You define your legacy, so make it GREAT!!!♥

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Mistresses Misconstrued Mistaken

Back in the olden days, mistresses understood that what they were doing was frowned upon. They knew they were a home wrecker and it was unacceptable in society's eyes. So they kept their affairs and their business on the low. Kids grew up being put on the wrong fathers or not knowing their father at all. Why? Because the mistress knows that Married John is NOT going to leave his wife and that her role in his life is insignificant. So she took it for what it was worth, raised her child and secretly reaped the benefits from him.

But nowadays, the mistresses think they ARE the wife. These guys have girlfriends with wives on the side. They are seen EVERYWHERE with the married man. They plaster pictures everywhere. Hell, they even call the house to make sure the wife knows about them. #Tigerwoods These women are off their rocker. They have lost their minds. Like in the instance of Steve McNair. What gave you the nerve to KILL...not fight....not run over....but KILL SOME ONE else's husband. I was blowed by this for weeks. Just could not believe it. You weren't even the girlfriend. You were timesharing the mistress slot with other chics and you STILL had the nerve to KILL someone else's husband. These women really don't know their role. You are SADLY mistaken.

So I guess I'll help you out because it's not your fault you don't understand. If your man is married, he is NOT your man. He is SOMEONE ELSE'S man....SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND. So don't even waste your time. If you can't call his home phone or get him after a certain time, He is probably married or seriously involved. If he meets you and tells you he's married but separated or on bad terms. #lyingthroughhisteeth Don't fall for the okie doke, buddy is still with her. They are all on bad terms when they see a beautiful woman or someone who strikes their interest.

I understand that most women who deal with married men do so because the married guys cake faster and easier. This is because they know they have to compensate you for the commitment and time they can not provide. At first you'll be okay with the arrangement. But face it, you're human. And eventually you will catch feelings because you're spending time with that person and sharing your body with him. SO save yourself the heartache and the drama and entertain single suitors only. I know the ring and the unavailability makes the package quite appealing, but exercise some self restraint and have some self respect for once. Just do the wife a favor and let her keep her husband and the kids their dad. I'm sure they'd thank you for it. Besides, one day you may be someone's wife. And when the roles are reversed, you're gonna want Ms. Homewrecker to have mercy on you. So do unto to others and make better decisions. Love yourself because no one else has to :) ♥

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Simply Complicated

Life is so ambiguous. Nothing is abstract...definite...certain. It all has its twists and turns. You can plan to a certain degree but fate...chance...coincidence...whatever you choose to call it, will step in. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And that NOTHING happens by chance. Everything happens according to God's will for your life. Why do I believe in that? Because I am a very spiritual and religious being. My life experiences have shown me beyond a doubt that there is a higher being and I trust and believe in Him with all that is within me.


Now, let's step away from that for a minute. Look at your life. Examine the current situations in your life. Now reflect on your past experiences. Do you recall the situation you were in that had you on the brink of depression? No one understood what was going on and you were too drained from dealing with it that you didn't even have the energy to explain it. So everyone thought that you were over reacting. They criticized you and said you were weak. Now you look back on it, and maybe you were weak. Maybe it was simple, but because it was a new experience, it seemed complex. All of the circumstances you were dealing with contributed to it being overwhelming at the time.

Ok, now what about the situations that weren't really situations because you were equipped to handle those before they escalated to something bigger. And right into your resolving the easy issue the drama unfolds. There's a minor technicality. It's not so simple, after all. So your simple issue just got complicated and once again, the nay sayers are all in your ear. But forget about them. This is your life. These are your issues, so take as long as you like.

Some appear to have ALL the answers, but realistically, they don't. So no matter how well put together a person may seem, they are just as clueless as you are and is learning trial by error, as well. The difference is that they learn in private and somehow, your experiences are open for viewing. To openly make mistakes and learn from them while dealing with uninvited criticism warrants great accolades.

My life has always been an open book. Everything I did was under a magnifying glass. Examined...disected...put back together then picked apart again. And I became accustomed to it, to the point that I no longer cared about what people thought. What you say about me does not determine who I am. I continued to do me openly, always offering my personal business because I was proud of who I was. I feel my openness and disregard for others disent is a strength, but it also had its negatives. Why voluntarily invite people into your life that has no place or importance? Why disclose information that others should not be privy to? Why allow insignificant people to see the inner struggle....the trials of your life?

Those are great questions....so you should ponder those. Truth is, life IS a roller coaster. It's messy. You will take the wrong route, end up at dead ends, and make the wrong decisions. But that's nothing to stress about. You are to learn from your experiences and prepare to make your mark in the world. I would rather have failed a million times then to NEVER have failed at all, because with failed attempts, success is soon to follow. You only have one life, so decide what legacy you want to leave. All in all, life is not easy. It requires hard work. It demands perseverance. So don't take it lightly or short change yourself. Give it your all, if nothing else. There's no easy way out, Life is SIMPLY COMPLICATED. ♥

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What happened to Marriage?

As I counsel different people about their relationships/marriages, I can't help but wonder, what happened to marriage? What happened to the FOREVERNESS and the SACREDNESS? I am so tired of hearing people talking about taking half and/or losing half. I just don't understand it. Why marry if you're already planning for dissolution before it even begins? Marriage is such a beautiful thing. A union between TWO people VOWING to love eachother for their natural lives! It is ordained by God and pleasing in His eyes. The beauty of it has been tainted by society's materialism, coupled with infidelity, due to people's lack of respect. It's really heart breaking.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am praying for a LIFE long partner. I am in it for better or WORSE, for sickness or health, til DEATH do we part. I could care less about half. I want a WHOLE marriage with a WHOLE husband/father/friend. Half just won't do! I take care of Merchon, so half means nothing to me. I want a marriage like the olden days...one filled with respet and love, surviving anything....exemplifying daily that they are ONE.

I've seen a marriage of 57 years with my grandparents and 31 years with my parents, so I know that marriage is constant work. Marriage is HARD work, but HEART work. I've seen infidelity....sickness....confusion....dipping family members.....turmoil....but more importantly, I've seen LOVE and FORGIVENESS. I am aware that NO relationship is conflict free, which is why communication is essential in conflict resolution. Discussing your concerns BEFORE they become problems is the KEY to making your marriage/relationship work. My parents' and grandparents' marriages weren't always great but they had love and they worked hard to sustain their marriage. I can't say that I would be able to work through infidelity but I know it can be done. I've witnessed it. I see the love...the commitment. And I can only imagine how comforting it must be to KNOW that you always have someone in your corner that GENUINELY loves you and has YOUR BEST interest at heart, NO MATTER WHAT!!! Now THAT'S a MARRIAGE, so don't cheat yourself!!! You must enter into it knowing that there will be trials and tribulations but anything worth having is worth working for and waiting for! So stick it out.

You just need to be meticulous in your observations and diligent in your selection. Take time in your dating and indulge in A LOT of conversation so that you can learn what really lies beneath the surface. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Choosing a mate is about more than beauty, body and other superficial things. People go wrong by the things they put importance on. You have to pay attention to a persons values, goals, and compassion. Someone who's less concerned with material things and more concerned with life, love, and happiness. Someone with virtues. They still exist. You just have to be more patient and wiser in your search.

Despite society depreciating marriage's importance to the equivalent of a "social" event, I STILL value it's SACREDNESS. That is why I haven't jumped into marriage. I am meticulous in my observations and diligent in my selection. I understand that there is no such thing as a perfect person. However, FOREVER is a very long time and I refuse to spend it with the WRONG one.

Marriage is a beautiful union between TWO people ordained by God. It is honorable and deserving of the utmost respect and appreciation. It should be entered into with the intention of being together forever. When families split, not only do you lose a part of you, but if you have kids, they are affected. So please, be diligent in your selection and choose wisely. More importantly, PRAY about it. And until God sends who HE has for YOU, continue to work on you and strive to become the person God wants you to be. And I will be doing the same. SMOOCHES♥

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Does family matter?

This past weekend, I took time off from work and went home to be with my grandparents because both were ill. My sister and I split our days in between being at the hospital with my grandma and the house with my granddad. I spent my nights with granddad and she spent her nights with Grandma. And we spent the days alternating between both. My parents are out of town, so my Mom calls us ALL day for status updates.

At times, you would think that my Mom was an only child. Well, my uncle also helps a lot but he lives in another city and his job isn't that flexible. But there's actually SEVEN of them and only two really carry the load. I watch how my grandparents' living conditions and their quality of life has decreased due to the people who make the decisions regarding their living/health. My grandparents worked extremely hard so that their 8 kids (1 deceased) could enjoy the finer things of life and live like they were part of a smaller family. They sacrificed and put God first, while instilling morals and values in their children. They were faithful servants to God and outstanding citizens in the community. And it hurts to see them in their latter years being treated like second class citizens by those they labored so diligently to provide for.

I can't help but wonder, where is the love? I am only a grandchild, the third generation, but my grandparents' teachings, character and integrity are embedded within me. I know God because of THEM. I have morals and values because of THEM. I know what LOVE is because of them. I value the sacred bond of marriage because of THEM. They were an excellent example of what a loving, long-lasting marriage should be. I love them with ALL my heart and want the best for them. So to see them being watched, not entertained....not taken places...not read to, but WATCHED, day in and day out, hurts my heart. It just seems like they are holding them hostage until death comes. I want SO much more for them. They were active in their daily life. They went to dinner often..they travelled.

I know it's easy for me to complain and voice my opinion because I don't live there. But if I was financially able, I'd take time off from work. I'd live with them and put my granddad in his wheelchair, put grandma in my car and we'd take daily outtings. I just feel like when you love someone, you do all you can and spend all the time you can with them while they're living. You pray for them and believe miracles for them because your love is SO strong that NOTHING is impossible. Despite all the diagnosis and conditions that they have been tagged with, my love and my faith in God pushes me to believe that they still have life ahead of them and I refuse to let them go.

But the way they have been treated by those they love so dearly hurts my heart. It shows me that people are selfish and thoughtless. How could you NOT want the best for someone who provided and cared for you...someone who showed you unconditional love...who doctored on your wounds and fought those battles that you were too young or too weak to fight?

Because you are so caught up in self and material things that you forget that one day, you too will age. And who will care for you? Will they show lack of concern for you as you have to your parents? God pays every man according his works.(Job 34:11) For whatever a man soweth, so shall he reap.(Gal. 6:7) If no one else sees you, GOD DOES. So watch yourself because it's coming back.♥

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Day to Day

Hello again. I know it's been a while since my last post. Well, life has thrown its curve balls and I've been taking it all day to day. Nonetheless, God ALWAYS provides. So I am writing today to encourage you and share some small steps that may help you through out your day. Hope it's as helpful and enlightening for you as it was for me.

At the beginning of your day invite Jesus to partner with you.
When you have a tough problem, ask Him for help.
When you have a difficult decision to make, ask Him for wisdom.
When your energy flagging, ask Him for renewed strength.
When you find your attitude turning negative, ask Him to re-orient your heart.
Every few hours as you're working, pause 2 or 3 minutes:
  Thank Him for His help.
  Hand Him your worries.
  Ask for His energy.

Whatever you do, Do it in the Name of Jesus. Col. 3:17 ♥

Epiphany

I think about life all the time. Where I am.....where I'm going.....where I should be....why I'm not there. And truth is, It was due to a number of things....I trusted too easily....cared too deeply....even shared too much. Which is crazy because those are great qualities to possess but bad to exemplify when you're trying to excel. Especially, when you're dealing with people who aren't really for you. Those people will take your kindness as weakness and take advantage of your humility. More importantly, they will distract you from God's purpose for your life. And they did just that to me. I found myself engaging in meaningless activity and wasting time on things I can't even recall. It took me a minute to see through the falsity. As the saying goes, "everything that glitters ain't gold." Boy, do I know the meaning of that. I wasn't hurt that they weren't who they presented themselves to be, just disappointed in myself for being so naive.

So here I am today. My heart cries for progression. It yearns to be more than I am right now. Yes, where I am is a great place for most, but it's not good enough for me. I know that my journey is long, for my God says so. And I am both excited and discouraged because I wonder if I have even begun to travel it. I look at the years I have wasted on frivolous matters and superficial people, and cry because I know those years are lost forever. But hope dries my eyes and aspiration gives me the energy to press on.

At times my heart aches because I'm not in the position to help others to the magnitude I desire. For someone to humble them self and come to me, and I can't help....hurts like hell! So I strive daily, not for me, for them. I press everyday, not for me, for them. I can't give up, no matter how hard it becomes, because this battle isn't just for me, my people need me! So I will press on.....I will fight through it...And stay positive because this is bigger than me. It is my duty! I will not let man, material things nor the cares of this world keep me from God's purpose for my life! If not me, then who?♥

"For many are called, but few are chosen." Matt.22:14